“Trust your heart if the seas catch fire, live by love though the stars walk backward. “
– EE Cummings
I don’t even know where to begin with this one, it feels like it has been writing me. It started two and half years ago, I met someone special online. He is strong, spiritual, handsome, has good values and is adventurous. I really didn’t pay attention to the fact that he lived in another state. Before we even talked, I felt sparks in the emails and texts, my heart was smiling and it hasn’t stopped. Once we talked after I got back from a wonderful weekend in wine country with the girls, it felt right. We talked every night for hours and hours and knew we needed to meet soon. The soulful joy in the authenticity shared and just hearing his voice felt natural and dreamy at the same time.
“When you do things from the soul you feel a river moving in you, a joy.”
There has always been a place deep in my heart where I knew he existed. I knew that soulful connection existed, the kind of love you feel in your bones, that feels like it’s been forever and yet the passion of just meeting doesn’t go away. I wouldn’t settle. I had a lot of people tell me that I was too picky, I knew deep down he was out there. My soul wouldn’t let me settle. Why I knew, I don’t really know, I just knew. I remember many times in my life I wished he was there with me, through great accomplishments and through big challenges. My life has been really pretty wonderful and he was my only missing puzzle piece. Now what I feel is that he has always been with me supporting me.
“Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere. They’re in each other all along.”
Before we met in person for the first time he basically told me that he loved me over the phone. He didn’t hold back. He trusted everything we were both feeling and jumped in with both feet. I, on the other hand, knew all that I was feeling and wanted go in with both my feet on the ground to decide if I loved him after we met in person, even though I already knew. We met about 3 weeks after we started talking, and it was incredible, magical, and connected. I felt a warmth deep in my soul that had not been touched before.
“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”
– Lao Tzu
I don’t believe some of the beliefs out there on soulmates, that state we only have one. I feel each relationship has served my higher good, even at times that it didn’t feel like it. I do know that this relationship with Eric is different and more whole, divine, loving, and deep than anything I have ever experienced before. I can see now how they have all prepared me for something this special, and each one was a gift and wonderful for the time that it was meant to be. I used to think if it didn’t work out in a past relationship something was wrong with me, but not anymore. I learned over the years that each one was right.
We made it work while I lived in Southern California and he lived in Oregon. We knew we wanted to be together, and as we talked it out I decided to move to Oregon after 7 months of dating long distance, a big deal for a SoCal girl. When we moved in together it was not easy for me, I had been single for along time and I am fiercely independent, a bit settled in my ways. As we hit bumps in the road he was incredibly unwavering in his love. His patience and persistence in loving me helped me move past my challenges, which were often self inflicted. Allowing someone to love me like he does was/is growth and expansion for me, big time! And to know that I am worthy of the relationship I have always dreamed of was even bigger.
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
That worthy piece, I feel we are all worthy of our heart’s desires, which is an internal job, inner belief. This means it’s up to us, not someone else. That was a huge lesson for me, to expand into my love in loving me enough to truly love another, and to allow him to fully love me. There was a time I used to look for that relationship to make everything OK in my life when I didn’t fully love me. I wanted someone to love me for me, and to make it all wonderful in my life. I can see how that’s just nutty… how could he love me for me when I didn’t? How could he make it all OK when I couldn’t? It was more fairytale than reality, and I am extremely thankful that I kept working on me, on loving me. It’s been a wild journey to love me, with a lot of mentors, teachers, coaches, family, and friends loving me, supporting and nudging me along the way. I’m blessed and grateful.
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserves your love and affection.”
We are engaged to be married! The date is set for August 6, 2016, and I couldn’t be happier. What Eric and I have is special in a way that my soul feels like nothing before. It’s hard to describe- ancient and new. I have wanted to write about this and have struggled to find the words or even try. It’s sacred love, it’s what I have always dreamed of and it’s precious to my heart. I’m almost 50 now and I’m incredibly thankful that I never gave up on my dream.
“Don’t be satisfied with stories, how things have gone with others. Unfold your own myth.”
And I say to you, never give up on your dreams, do whatever is necessary on your journey, do what your soul calls for. No shortcuts, live full out, live fiercely with compassion and love for you and for life. You are a divine being more powerful than you will ever know, pure unconditional love. If you feel stuck, reach out to others- friends, mentors, coaches, family. We are all bridges for each other. Blessings to you!
“When it all said and done, we’re all just walking each other home.”
– Ram Dass