“Always say ‘yes’ to the present moment. What could be more futile, more insane, than to create inner resistance to what already is? what could be more insane than to oppose life itself, which is now and always now? Surrender to what is. Say ‘yes’ to life — and see how life suddenly starts working for you rather than against you.”
― Eckhart Tolle
Even the word surrender brings up a lot for me. It’s a sense of, “Yikes! Change!” It’s a release of my grip, a release of how I thought it would be, and all is working in its order, which is to trust and to allow a good cry in the process of allowing it all. After that, there’s an opening to what’s new and fresh, with excitement, new sight and gratitude. This path of mine has been a path of surrender and embracing, and surrendering and embracing. A good example of surrender for me recently is writing a book. I have been in a space of going forward with it or letting it go. This has felt like being in a cave and I’m entering into a new phase, through a threshold, and a part of me wants to run back out screaming saying, “This is incredibly hard and vulnerable!” And another part is saying, “Yes, it’s an adventure! Your soul would not be nudging you just to mess with you.”
“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.”
― Joseph Campbell
It’s incredibly hard to share this and put it out there for anyone to read. I do feel naked, and raw, no shield or walls to hide behind. It’s like a soft spot inside. I do it because if it helps just one other person put themselves out there in a tender way and to go for their dreams, it’s totally worth it. I also do it for me and to claim what my soul keeps nudging me to do, allowing me to be vulnerable and fierce, putting the stake in the ground, claiming it. I am releasing all expectations around this and continually moving into a place of surrender. I’m allowing my heart to speak, not writing what I think others want to hear. Where it all goes I don’t know, maybe just for me, maybe bigger, maybe in between. What I do know is that it feels really amazing, aligned, and courageous for me to step into it with a YES and allow it to be what it is.
“Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.”
― Gail Sheehy
I knew support was the next step and in asking for it I was stepping deeper into the cave. I asked and things have started to flow again. I met with a wonderful lady. She is a writing angel in my book, and has helped me work through blocks and self-imposed limitations. She asked if I wanted to join her writing group, and I said yes. I was still dragging my heels and internally kicking and screaming, saying Why me? Yet I was curious and still surrendering. I went and felt excited, vulnerable and sensitive. The group was gentle, filled with light, and doing amazing work that touches the soul. I felt honored to be in this group, and I could start to see how to get started, and how everything I have done up to this point folds into this- my journaling, experience, blogs, everything.
“Something amazing happens when we surrender and just love. We melt into another world, a realm of power already within us. The world changes when we change, the world softens when we soften. The world loves us when we choose to love the world.”
― Marianne Williamson
I was listening to Dr. Wayne Dyer’s CD’s, Wishes Fulfilled, and he said, “I am a writer. It’s not outside of me, it is me, living and breathing in me. A writer in not a title, it’s what’s coming through, expressing.” That really spoke to me because I have had a hard time saying, I’m writing a book, I’m a writer, it’s close to my heart, it’s a personal experience and it’s unique to me. He talked about claiming our intention, bringing into the now. It’s all in the presence, and again, it spoke to me.
When I get quiet I feel something wanting to come through, in its own way, literally having its way with me. There’s a place in my soul that keeps nudging me along, it stays consistent and persistent. It’s not about the ego anymore. As I have delved into it, it is a complete surrender, to let go of what it looks like, who reads it, how it’s coming through and the timeline. I have a feeling, an overall sense of what it is, but it doesn’t have a full definition yet. There are some words and a lot of feelings. The kicking and screaming part comes in when I try to define it too soon or when I try to force it, just knowing enough that I need to keep going, enjoy the journey, and play in that heart space.
“The creative process is a process of surrender, not control.”
― Julia Cameron
This reminds me of ministerial school, when I was extremely busy at work with a reorganization happening in the midst of ministerial studies. All my time was consumed, and I wanted time for me. As it became harder for me I decided to take a step back, which was fully justifiable, so I thought. I also wanted to call in my soulmate. As I took the step back it was more uncomfortable than if I would have kept going, it did not feel right at all. I was trying to force an answer and not trusting it. With the encouragement of those close to me I decided to step back in delicately, and then I was fully back in it and thankful. I didn’t let go of calling in a soulmate, I reframed it and continued to feel into knowing all is possible in spirit. I am eternally grateful that I did not stop and just listened to the inner nudge. That intuition of mine that kept whispering … Keep going and just do the best you can, that is enough. When I became a minister after 3 years of ministerial studies, it was an amazing feeling. I felt divinely led, empowered, and humbled with a deep soul satisfaction, and it is still unfolding in wonderful ways.
“Growth demands a temporary surrender of security. It may mean giving up familiar but limiting patterns, safe but unrewarding work, values no longer believed in, and relationships that have lost their meaning.”
― John C. Maxwell
So here I am again, the nudge, the soul whisper, innerness, spirit, that keeps consistent, and the more I resist, the more uncomfortable life gets. So, I keep stepping and ask for support and do the best I can, most days. And for each of us, what is it that is nudging us, whispering to our hearts, that wants to be expressed? That’s our purpose and it can look however it looks, from smelling the roses, to giving a hug, to writing a novel, to world peace, dancing, singing, creative arts, telling someone we love them, whatever that is. It is our unique footprint in this world, no one else has it and it’s what life calls for. It’s our yearning deep down, and it doesn’t always make sense or have a blueprint or a map. It’s more of a following-the-breadcrumbs a lot of times, listening to your heart, trust, faith, presence, love in each moment. As we say yes and start to listen and follow the breadcrumbs, more support comes in, the universe provides, and life flows in beautiful ways.
“Surrender to life itself and you’ll just be rewarded with so many things. And I’ve been rewarded so many times, in so many mysterious ways. So I have no reason to be disappointed with anything.”
― Jason Mraz